I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
