Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
