My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
