the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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