I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
