she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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