woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
