just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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