I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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