They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
