just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
