walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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