Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
