How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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