everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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