she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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