My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
