I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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