Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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