omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
