How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
