my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
