Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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