he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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