Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
