If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
