You just made me feel so damn special
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
