It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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