I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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