i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
