I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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