I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
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