Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
