i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
