swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
