More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i drank out of a bidet.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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