wakey wakey hands off snakey
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
