My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
