You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize