i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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