Plan B is the new Plan A
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
