God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize