I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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