Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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