Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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