he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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