Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
