dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
