I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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