everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
