I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
