Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
