he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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