I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
