Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
