My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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