I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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