I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
