he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
