she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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