I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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