i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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