Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
