Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
