My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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