I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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