Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
