i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
