if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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