When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
