she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
