I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize