there was a trapeze. enough said
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
