did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.