He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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