just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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