mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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