You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
