I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
