I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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